Faith

I have written about faith before. The weight behind that word has been a magnet to me for decades. When I was three we lived in Springfield, Missouri where most of our neighbors were Bapist. I begged my parents to let me go to Sunday school with the neighbor girl. I am sure they had reservations, but they let me go once. The neighbor mom called me Sugar and I made noodle art on burlap… that’s all I really remember. Years later my parents occasionally let me attend church with my Grandma Lois. I liked the idea of holy water. I liked saying “peace be with you.” I liked that we got to go for pancakes afterwards and that there were twenty different flavors of syrup at the table. 

My grandma converted to Catholicism later in life. I don’t know why or how, but what I believe is that she was also looking for a place for her faith to land, looking for community. My parents, both raised Catholic, did not practice the religion as adults and my brother and I were free to explore our own connections to Spirit. I have been thinking about it a lot this week. Like many of you, I have been feeling heartsick over the fires that are still raging in Los Angeles. I have been touching base frequently with family and friends in the area and it is difficult to not feel swallowed whole with feelings of overwhelm, of helplessness. I suppose these are moments where faith is both tested and desperately needed. 

I spent my weekend creating new pocket angels, thinking about faith, and about how these little talismans for all occasions matter to me. I thought about a student I had a few years ago. She was having a panic attack. She was hyperventillating and I rememember reaching into my pocket and pulling out my favorite jade stone and pressing it into the palm of her hand. I instructed her to push each breath into the crystal, to give all of her worry and energy into that deep green rock. In a matter of seconds, her energy shifted. She calmed. Having somewhere to put chaotic energy, the ability to shift, to bring chaos into focus really is powerful. Perhaps you have felt this, not in a crystal, but in the weight of someone else’s hand, or in a silent gaze that grounds you. 

While these pocket angels are playful and fun (yesterday my friend and I giggled for a few minutes over the descriptions of both the Todd and Caroline angels), they are also designed to hold that chaos for you. They are designed to give your faith somewhere to go. 

As a kid I didn’t really know what I was supposed to do with the holy water. I watched the adults in front of me and I would dip my finger in after them, dotting my forehead and my heart, and in that moment I felt safe, cared for, and connected with something bigger than me. I hope that no matter where you are right now that you find your anchors to faith, a soft space for your energy to land, a smooth surface to run your thumb across as you surrender fear to possibility. 

I still carry crystals in my pockets.